“ i'm sitting here in the boring room
It's just another rainy sunday afternoon
I'm wasting my time
I got nothing to do
I'm hanging around
I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens and i wonder
I'm driving around in my car
I'm driving too fast
I'm driving too far
I'd like to change my point of view
I feel so lonely
I'm waiting for you
But nothing ever happens and i wonder”?
Well, that songwriter wrote that song in advance before I was born especially for me. Every year at the end, mid-December, I get into this weird introspective mood. You know, all about where I am going? Where is my life heading? Is it heading anywhere at all? What do I have to show myself today? ………And I sadly always get the same answer 0, zippo, nothing. (No, I didn’t sit with a thesaurus on New Year’s Eve, I had a date with Peirce Brosnan,: P yummmmm!). And every 1st of Jan, I vow to myself to turn around my life completely. There is still hope. And by this time, I am back to square one. I am bored. I am lazy. & I am busy. I guess I am so lazy that I am just waiting for somebody who get me off my lazy butt and kick me to get me to do something! Where are you????????? And since I am so optimistic about everything in life, a cynic with rose-tinted glasses, I just hope each year that I don’t have to do the butt kicking on my own. Yup, I always have a positive outlook! The humongous amount collected for Tsunami victims WILL somehow get to those who really needed and not be eaten up by some bureaucrats. Life IS beautiful. There are always ups AND downs in life. But what do I do when it does nothing but just lies flat? Lifeless? You poke it just so that you know that it is alive, and it just doesn’t even twitch! Every year the things I want to do in my lifetime just keep piling up, the list keeps getting longer. Nothing I seem to do seems to help me in achieving those things that I really want to do. & its not as if they are some extravagant wild things, they are pretty realistic. Life is so beautiful but right now it is also a lemon. I try to convince myself that there isn’t much more to life. You know, this is basically it. But, when you feel like when you are the only one standing in middle of Dadar station trying to figure out what to do when people are rushing past from every direction, a fixed direction where they are headed, and you are just getting jostled from every direction, bruising a rib or two, & then you realize that something is wrong with you. What exactly? I have no clue. If I had I wouldn’t be typing this post. So, what will I do? I probably ponder over it for a little while, get some college work finished or started. Hmmmmmmmmm, this was quite a change of mood since my last post that seems straight out of “Silent Night” So, am I depressed? No way hozay! I am just BORED.
